you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
