I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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