Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
