Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
