Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
