I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
