i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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