the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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