when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We are all done wearing pants today
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize