That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
