Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
