she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
