mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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