And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
