Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
