Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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