It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
