I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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