loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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