DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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