haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
