i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Everything about him screamed your future.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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