she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
