He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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