Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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