i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
