You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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