so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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