had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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