Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I want her autograph on my taint
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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