I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have aggressive nipples.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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