Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
