forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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