I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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