I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
