She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
