sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize