You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
