So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
