I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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