I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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