I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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