Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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