I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
