someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
