It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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