My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
