my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
