All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
