but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
