I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
