I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
