i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
