hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
