My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
