Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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