He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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