What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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