Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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