i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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