I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
