I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize