I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
