on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
