saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
