i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
