my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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