Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
