It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize