Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
