i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize