If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
